It's really hard....

Now that I am home and out of the hospital having the girls in NICU is very hard on us. At least when I was in the hospital I could call a volunteer to wheel me to go see the girls at any time of the night, but now that I am home its not as easy as that. I know NICU is the next best place for them, but having them away is the hardest thing I think we have gone through. It took us a little over two years to get pregnant and now that they are here we can't be with them all the time. I have heard many times use this time to rest because once they are home you will not be resting. I wish resting was easy, but its not they are constantly on our mind and I want to call the nurses every 5 minutes to see how they are doing (I may not call them every 5 minutes, but I do call a lot). As soon as Jeff and I leave the NICU I just cry and I know the girls won't remember this at all, but as their mom and dad its not easy on us at all. Today we had a quiet day in the NICU we are trying to hold the girls less because we would hold them for like the whole 6 or so hours we were there, but we learned they need to sleep and not be moved around so much and this is so hard not to run up to their cribs and grab them and kiss them. So now we hold them only during the "care time" when we get to feed them. There are only 2 pictures from today the first one is so cute. Its Jeff holding Jillian and she was asleep and he fell asleep holding her. I love it! The next one is me feeding Ashlyn with a mask and gloves because as luck would have it I am getting a cold, but I want to hold my girls too so this is the safest way.